Menu and a Recipe!

Okay so here is the menu for this week. I am starting back last Wednesday. Been wanting to do this post for a few days but one handed typing because I have Miss Estelle in the other hand, doesn't go too fast. If the recipe is found on the internet, I have it linked on the title of the recipe.

Wednesday: Jagerschnitzel with roasted potatoes and pickled red cabbage

Thursday: Got take out from a yummy Gyros place, very good, if you come visit me then you can try it too!

Friday: Homemade pizzas: one cheese, one supreme, we had guests

Saturday: Flank Steak Fajitas

Sunday: I have a girls night, Reese, Lane, and Estelle get to BBQ hamburgers :)

Monday: Pecan Crusted Chicken Tenders with Salad (must try this one!)

Tuesday: Whiskey Crab soup with Blue Cheese Herb Loaf

Once again, if I haven't posted the recipe and you want it, leave a comment and ask for it.

Okay so to explain the Jagerschnitzel. Reese loves German food, I like it too. We went to Leavenworth, WA for a little family getaway over Christmas. We love going there and the restaurants are mostly German/Bavarian. We also went to the Black Forest when we were in WA. You Lynden people know what I am talking about. So when we got back I was watching Food Network (I am a junkie) and I saw Guy Fieri making this schnitzel. I made it and it was awesome, a little labor intensive, but worth it. I used a pork loin roast and sliced what I needed of it thinly and then pounded it out to 1/4 inch thick.

Mushroom Gravy

Can't forget Estelle! She is now 10 weeks old. She had her 2 month appt on the 13th. She was 12lbs 13 oz and 23 inches long.

Case at 2 months old

Case at 2 months from Natasha on Vimeo.

I debated whether to post this video. It is so special to me. After Case died I ran across this video when we were going through pictures for his funeral. Our little conversation was so special. When I took the video 3 1/2 months earlier, I thought it was sweet and what a cutie he was. After his death I realized how meaningful this video is. I guess the reason why I debated posting this was because it is so special to me and part of me just wanted to keep it to myself. It was just me and Case in the living room after Lane had gone to bed. He had just started really cooing and talking to me. Estelle is at that age now. It is just the best when they start talking and smiling at you. I decided to share it because it shows our love for each other. Also, I know many people who read my blog never got the opportunity to meet Case and I think this is a little glimpse of his sweet spirit.

This week I have been thinking about last year at this time. I relive the day he died in my head on a regular basis, but I've been thinking about the following week or two. The funeral arrangements, the call from the medical examiner telling me that it was SIDS and that there was nothing I could have done, the people coming to the house, picking out the clothes to put him in, the flight up to Washington. I have to say the worst part was deciding where to bury him, that was my breaking point, I didn't want the words to leave my mouth, then it would be real. It is hard to think about, but I have to, I have to allow my mind to go through it all. I've had a lot of distractions this week. Lindsey was here, Reese came home, now my brother Matt is here. But it's good for me to have a little time to myself. It allows me to really think, to work through it and as painful as it can be, it is healing.

One Year

One year ago today our sweet Case celebrated his first day in heaven. I say that because for him it was awesome, he entered eternity, someplace we should all strive for and long to be, because that is our true home. It certainly is where my heart longs to be.

Everyday I wonder how we have gotten through such a year. One year ago I was feeling like I couldn't even fathom how I was supposed to go on with out my sweet little guy. Day by day God proved to be faithful and I got out of bed each day. In a daily devotional I just started reading the author talks about manna. Each day the Israelites waited for God to give them manna from heaven to get through the day. It was their daily bread and without it they wouldn't have survived. The Israelites were not able to store up the manna, it was new and given to them everyday. I realized that that is how I got through this past year. Each day God gave me what I needed to get through that day. No more, no less, just what I needed. I couldn't store it up for the next day, I needed to ask Him and come to Him each day to be refreshed and renewed. Sometimes throughout the year I have tried to just use what I got yesterday by not praying or looking to God, but those days I wasn't fully equipped and I struggled more. So this year, I will remember the manna that God provided the Israelites in the form of food and me in the form of his Word and the truths he reveals to me through his Word.

We are missing Case so much. It continually breaks my heart that I don't get to see him grow. What a sweet, precious little guy he was. He was so funny and so loved by our family. We needed him and God gave him to us even if his life here on earth was short, he lives on in our hearts forever. What a gift Case is.

Last month Reese told me that he would be gone this week. He was going on a training trip just a few hours away. I thought of course it would be that week of all weeks! So my friend Lindsey flew down from Washington to be with us. I know all my friends and family would like to be with us today if they could, and we were blessed that Lindsey was actually able to make it work. Well last night while we were eating dinner, the garage door opens and in comes Reese. He was able to leave early. What a blessing and now we will be able to spend today together. Thanks for everyone's prayers and support this past year. I am praying that this year will continue to bring hope and healing.

Star of Hope

When I found out I was pregnant with Estelle, I knew that if she was a girl, her middle name would be Hope. It is such a sweet name and it really represents what she is for our family, hope. Hope, that even in the darkest time, we still have joy. At times I couldn't feel that joy or hope, I was too overwhelmed with sadness and fear. As time passes I am more able to feel that joy and see hope, hope for a happy, blessed life despite the struggles and pain life gives us.

Reese and I have a hard time agreeing on names. So we had a few names that we liked for Estelle, but "Estelle" was my favorite and Reese finally decided that he didn't like any of the other names. So Estelle Hope she was. Estelle means star. She has been a Star of Hope. I found out I was pregnant on March 9th. The emotions that brought were all over the place, but I felt hope and I held onto it. She was that star of hope to light the way through all of the darkness that hung over our family after Case died. Case brought so much joy to our family and his sweet spirit lit up our home. After he died that light was gone, his absence was so real and felt every minute of everyday.

I know I have hope because I look forward to watching Estelle grow up. My kids have brought such great joy to my life and watching Lane grow has been so fun. Looking forward to Estelle doing all those funny things gives me hope. It does make Case's absence that much more painful though, I wanted to see him do all those funny things.

Since Estelle was born I have fought fear and anxiety, but not nearly as bad as I thought I would. I was worried that I would fear that I would lose her so much that I wouldn't be able to enjoy her or my family. But I dare to hope that God will give us more time together and that I will watch her grow up. Our God is a God of hope and he has driven that fear and anxiety from me and has given me peace. Hallelujah! That is the best gift, because not only do I have Estelle, but I am able to enjoy her, my little Star of Hope.

"He shot arrows deep into my heart. The thought of my suffering and the hopelessness is bitter beyond words. I will never forget this awful time, as I grieve over my loss. Yet I still dare to hope when I remember this: the unfailing love of the Lord never ends! By his mercies we have been kept from complete destruction." Lamentations 3:13, 19-22

Friends, Cousins, Aunts and Uncles

Estelle got to meet a lot of people on our trip! Of course everyone was crazy about Estelle. My friends little girls were all over her. Abbey the one in the pink, couldn't stop talking about her.

Amara and Brielle wanted to hold Estelle alot. They were so sweet with her.

Daddy and Estelle watching Grandpa Jim make gravy on Christmas Eve. We all went to my dads that night and had Christmas dinner in his shop. The kids ran around like crazy. As you can see below they were all hyped up. They are so silly and "weird," I don't know where they get that from?? :)


Erawyn, Shallon and Marryn brought their puppies on Christmas day. Lane loves playing with those girls and they adore him too. Marryn (below) thought Estelle was great. One more baby girl cousin is on the way in February! Estelle and Mason and Amanda's baby will be just about 3 months apart.

Aunt Michele holding Estelle on Christmas day. She had an opportunity while Hazel was sleeping! Hazel is either getting into something or wanting to be hands on with Estelle. She is at such a busy, fun age! Estelle got all dressed up in her Christmas dress, complete with headband.

Christmas 2010

We started our trip in Washington with a visit to Moses Lake to see Vance, Michele and family. They have a great sledding hill in their backyard and the snow was great! Lane has such a great time with Merit and Willem! Despite the stomach bug that made it's way to almost everyone, we had a great time.

Estelle and Hazel in their matching outfits, these girls are just about a year apart.
Estelle even made it out in the snow in her little fleece suit.

After Moses Lake we headed over to Leavenworth. We have had some great family trips there and it is SO beautiful at Christmas. We stayed two nights in a great little hotel called the Bavarian Ritz. There is a sledding hill in town that Lane and Reese spent a lot of time at.

The first morning we took a walk in a little park along the river. It was covered in snow and gorgeous!

Catching some air!

He said "uhhhh, my butt" many times as he landed at the bottom.

I have so many pictures from our trip. More later....