Case's 3rd Birthday

Today was Case's 3rd Birthday.  Hard to believe that he would be three!  Lane was three when Reese went in to the Navy.  He seemed so big and I can't imagine Case being that big.  We sent up flying hugs and kisses to Case tonight.  We all wrote messages on the balloons.  Then we had cupcakes to celebrate Case's birthday.  Estelle really liked licking the frosting off of hers.  

It was great to have Reese here for this.  We all miss Case so much.  I am not sure that our family will ever feel complete without him here.  Lane said that he wanted to write on his balloon "see you soon" because he is going to see him when he goes to heaven.  I hope my kids will always hold on to the truth that we will see him in heaven and what a wonderful day that will be!

Matters of the Heart

I had an MRI of my heart last week, and on Tuesday we met with the cardiologist to go over what he found.  I have a very mild case of dilated cardiomyopathy.  The left ventricle of my heart is mildly dilated (the heart muscle is stretched thinner than it should be) and the output is a little low, when it should be between 55-65%, mine is at 49%.  This is very mild and they can't see any obvious things that are causing it.  I also have quite a few irregular heart beats.  And he has put me on a low dose of beta blockers for that.  While everything is very mild and this doesn't change my life too much right now, this is what my mom had.  She in addition to the cardiomyopathy also had a rhythm issue that would cause her heart to beat really fast for a really long time and sometimes cause her to pass out, I do not have this right now.  Also, her heart issues were not properly addressed either, which I think ultimately led to her death.  Mine have been caught early and are being and will be properly addressed and treated.  I know that this is good news, that mine is really mild and I have never passed out or had a racing heart. What I am dealing with right now is my fear that it could get worse, the fear of the unknown and what "might" happen is getting to me. I really need prayer for this.  I just want to embrace life and be thankful that I am healthy right now, but I am so fearful sometimes.  The beta blockers are supposed to make me more tired than usual, yet I still can't sleep at night.  I also have anger, anger that my life just can't be normal for a little while.  I know these are all normal reactions, but I really need prayer about this.  I know that God has a plan for me and that doesn't always mean that things will be easy on this earth.  I need to trust that and carry on.  I have come across some verses that have been very relevant for me.

My friend Kristen sent me this one,

"Whom have I in heaven but you?  And earth has nothing I desire besides you.  My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."  Psalm 73: 25-26

And I found these about fear in Jesus Calling yesterday,

"In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one."  Ephesian 6:16

"Surely God is my salvation; I will trust and not be afraid.  The Lord, the Lord, is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation." Isaiah 12:2

Your prayers are very appreciated right now.  I will be back soon and hopefully be in better spirits :)

Catch Up!

Here is Little Miss in her 4th of July dress.  We had a fun, relaxing day at home and then we walked down to the beach to watch the fireworks.  Estelle even stayed up for them, she did great.

Earlier that day I made some bubble blowers out of old water bottles.  You just cut the bottoms off, slide an old sock over the bottom and secure it with a rubber band.  Then you put some dish soap and a little water in a shallow pan, dip the bottom of the bottle in and blow through the spout.  You get bubble snakes.  Fun!

Uncle Jordan is visiting this weekend.  On Friday afternoon and night we hung out down at the beach.  Estelle and Lane had a blast!  We roasted hot dogs and made smore's and Lane, Jo and Reese camped down there.  Lane even figured out how to ride Reese's giant beach cruiser on the sand no less.  He was quite proud.

Yesterday we did the Seal tour of San Diego.  It is this bus/boat. It is really cool and informative and I would recommend anyone coming here for a vacation to do it.  It's a little while on the roads and then you go into the bay and tour around while the tour guide gives you some fun facts.

 Lane loved it and Estelle did so well.  We had originally had my friend Kelly here to babysit her while we did it, but it ended up that we couldn't go at the time we wanted to, so we ended up taking her.  I had my doubts, but she ended up acting like a perfect little lady :)

 The sea lions are always a favorite.

This week is the week I have my MRI done on my heart.  Please pray that it goes well and that they are able to get to the bottom of this. Over the past month my emotions have been all over the place.  If I am diagnosed with some type of heart problem, whatever it might be, it could be a big game changer for me and our family.  My prayer is that whatever they saw in the echocardiogram is gone and it leaves the doctors confused yet relieved that my heart is perfectly healthy :)  And if that is not God's will for me, then my prayer is that the doctors and I can find the right treatment and that I can live a long and healthy life.  So... your prayers are appreciated.