5 months, 12 days, plus 1

Case died when he was 5 months and 12 days old. Today marked the day when Estelle got to be older than her older brother did. It is a bittersweet day. Mentally, it gives me a little more peace. But, it's also such a reminder to me of how we fell in love with Case in those short 5 months and 12 days. I can't imagine life without Estelle, just like I couldn't imagine life without Case. Now I am trying to navigate life without Case, trying to figure it all out without my baby boy.

Lane still talks about Case a lot. He shares more of his feelings now than he did before. I am so thankful for his vivid memory of him. He even remembers things Reese and I don't, I guess different things stand out to a five year old. He regularly tells me how much he misses Case and that he wishes we had both babies. He adores Estelle. The other day he told me that he just loves her so much and that he's never going to let her go. It melted my heart...

Case at 5 months

Estelle at 5 months. We are reminded of Case everyday, just by looking at Estelle. Sometimes they look so much alike!

Today I put Estelle's hand on Case's handprint the hospital did for us. For me it was a connection for them, she will grow up "knowing" her big brother.
This girl...I have spent the last couple days just thanking God for her. I am not sure where we would be without her. The joy and hope she has brought us, it's a gift. She has kept me on my toes, has a mind of her own and doesn't like to sleep a whole lot. I have been a little over protective, Lane is probably really sick of telling me "yeah, she's okay." I constantly ask him when she is out of my sight, usually in the car. I hope someday she will truly understand how much love we have for her, what a gift she is.

Spring Break Pictures

We started the week out with my dad, Grandpa Jim coming for a visit. We did a lot of baseball playing and went out to eat a lot while he was here. Lane loved showing Grandpa his baseball skills!
Lane's new smile. The other front tooth will be coming out soon I'm sure.
After Grandpa left we dyed some easter eggs and then on Friday afternoon, we left for Carlsbad. We stayed to two nights in a hotel and went to Legoland.
Estelle loves being out and about, Lane is in the background on a ride. She did good on the trip except for sleeping in the hotel room at night. I was up a lot with her...
Lane climbed this tower at Legoland, he did awesome, this kids not afraid of heights.
The highlight at Legoland was the new Star Wars miniland! Even I was impressed!

The hotels had an awesome pool. Estelle and I even got in.
Estelle's first time swimming. She loved it! And it wasn't real warm either. She is so funny. I had been given this size 12 month bathing suit, she filled it out quite nicely at only 5 months old! Chunky monkey!
The pool also had a slide and some water toy/fountain things, Lane had a blast going from the slide to the pool and to the hot tub.
This morning we got up and went to the SeaLife aquarium at Legoland. It was nice, but a lot smaller than expected. Lane liked it. He had an ocean unit in school so he was "educating" us on all the ocean life we were seeing.
There is a couple of these bubbles that you can pop your head up into an aquarium. Here is Reese and Lane....
and Estelle joined them too!
We got home this afternoon and had a little egg hunt. This is a field outside of our neighborhood, Lane plays baseball out here and we chose it for our egg hunt too. All the (unsupervised) kids in our neighborhood "join in" in about everything we try to do right outside of our house so we go and hide back here :) Sure would be nice to have our own backyard. I helped Estelle find her eggs.
Lane kept diving for the eggs I was about to pick up. I tell you, carrying Estelle, an Easter basket, and picking up eggs was a workout, especially when I was trying to ward off that sneaky Lane.
Lane's haul,

I set Estelle's basket by her and she kept picking it up and putting it on her lap to try to get the eggs out. She surprises me at what she can do. Tonight at dinner, she was sitting on Reese's lap and we were trying to give her a toy to play with, she grabbed the bag of salad and wanted to play with that more than any toy we offered her. In fact, she cried every time we tried to take it away! Her second tooth popped through today too. She is drooling like CRAZY.

I think back on last Easter, it was so hard. We went to Palm Desert last year for a getaway. We thought about going again this year, but to be honest it was too depressing for me to want to go back. We felt so lost last year without Case. To be honest, I still feel lost much of the time. Lane and Estelle bring me hope, I am so thankful for that. But I am not sure what is going to take away this feeling, possibly nothing here on this earth. I am so thankful for the hope I have in our RISEN Christ. Because of Him, I know that someday I will feel complete again. Until then, I will enjoy the blessings I have on this earth.

Chompers

I said in my last post that this one's been teething, big time. This is my new water bottle she is holding. She loves to gnaw on the spout, it's squishy. Every time I take a drink of water, she reaches to hold the bottle.
Well, yesterday her first little chomper cut through. If you click on the close up pictures you can kind of see it. It feels like the other bottom tooth is going to cut through soon too. This explains the constant poopy diapers!!
Loving the crooked smile.

Now, I have to point out that I was right and her pediatrician was wrong. Normally I don't claim to be smarter than a doctor :) but this lady really ticked me off, to put it nicely. She was not real sensitive about our situation, not to mention she pretty much told me I was wrong about everything, including how I thought she was teething at her 4 month appointment. She promptly told me that all babies drool around 4 months and it doesn't mean they are teething. Then she told me, "If she does get a tooth before her 6 month check up, but I highly doubt she will, to wash it with a wet washcloth to clean it." Well, looky here my little 5 month old has a tooth. Okay, so I am in a bit of a sassy mood. I guess I wanted to point out to all you mommies out there that we do have a motherly instinct and to trust your gut, even when the professionals might be telling you otherwise. Not that I think doctors are wrong, we just know our children best. I think this goes for little things like teething and the bigger stuff too. God gave us this "talent" for a reason.
Who can resist squishing those chubby legs, not me!
And look who is eating squash and peas! We started squash this past week and yesterday we were on to peas. She only eats it once a day, I am all for an exclusively breast fed child until they are 6 months, but she just wants my food all the time! She kicks her little legs every time I bring out the baby food and does pretty well getting it down.

Estelle is also sleeping pretty well through the night. We are still working on the naps. Some days she does great, others not so well. And, Estelle's hair is growing! Not a lot but I can see a noticeable difference lately.

Speaking of chompers, Lane is about to loose his 3rd tooth. One of his front teeth! He is going to look so different once those little teeth fall out and the new BIG ones come in.

Also yesterday Reese came home and will be home for a little while after a long 10 weeks of being gone a lot at a school. We have a couple weeks of sort of down time and we are looking forward to it. Grandpa Jim should be arriving tonight as well. Lane is on spring break so Daddy and Grandpa will be here to help me entertain him!

Some Recent Pictures

Today was a beautiful day, after a couple days of rain. These flowers are blooming all over around here, I think it might be chamomile. I took two pictures of both the kids and Lane had is eyes closed on one and Estelle on the other. Oh well.

Here is couple good ones of Lane. The glasses are the prize he picked out of the treasure box at the dentist. He has been cracking us up! He does funny little dances all the time and is a little clown. Sometimes the silliness is a bit much, but usually we are laughing at him. For example we were in an elevator the other day and all of a sudden he started pretending that we were trapped and acted like he was panicking. He is a goofball!

Of course it was Lane's idea to put some Mr. Potato head glasses on Estelle. Estelle also got a Go Pod in the mail yesterday. We have such limited space in our house that I really didn't want a big exersaucer taking up room. One of my neighbors had one of these and I thought it was a great idea. It folds up like a camping chair so it can just be placed in a corner when we aren't using it. She is a little small for it still but she seems to like it atleast for a little while. Estelle rolls over like crazy. She is also trying to sit up on her own and I swear a bottom tooth will pop through at any moment. There are two swollen bumps where her teeth will be. It may be a while still, but can really feel them. She is super curious about things going on around her, her little eyebrows are raised a lot. She is so funny.