One Month Old

Little Miss Estelle is already one month old. These are some pictures I took yesterday. Her looks are changing a little already. She is getting quite chubby and filling out her little 0-3 month clothes. Last night she kept me up alot, I am in a fog today.

In the last week or two we've put some Christmas lights up outside and saw Santa come in on a helicopter. No Santa pictures this year, Lane informed us that he did NOT want to get his picture taken. We said okay, the line is out of control anyway!

Wish I had more time to write more, but like I said I am in a fog and getting ready to see family soon. Lots to do!

Getting Ready For Christmas

Lane is just loving his little sister. Estelle is awake more often now, although she slept most the day yesterday. I am hoping that she is sleeping a little better at night before we go up to WA! Last night she woke up every 3 hours, which was good, but I really don't know what to expect each night.
She took her first bath on Tuesday. She did good, and only fussed a little bit. She had her 2 week appointment on Monday. She weighs 9 lbs 10 oz. I can tell she is getting longer and chubbier. She is pretty much out of newborn clothes and into 0-3 months and is wearing size 1 diapers. She is such a sweetie.

The day after Thanksgiving we got most of our Christmas stuff out. Now all we need to do is put some lights up outside. Lane was all about decorating the house and the tree. We had clusters of ornaments on the tree and random decorations placed through out the house. I love how excited he got. We have had a busy week and I am hoping next week will be calmer. It's a little chilly in our house today. We can't use the heater. Yesterday I had maintenance and an exterminator at the house, today I am waiting for someone to fix the heater, and clean out our heating ducts. Yesterday morning we woke up to a pile of insulation/duct tape, etc on the kitchen floor that had flown out of the heating vent. My first thought was mice or rats, the exterminator came and confirmed that that probably wasn't the problem but that a hose was detached from the heating unit in the attic and was just sucking stuff from the attic and blowing it throughout the ducts. Nice.

I wanted to hang up Case's stocking with Lane and Estelle's. Lane likes it and told us that he will have to open Case and Estelle's stocking presents. I am trying to think of something I could put in Case's stocking each year to give to the other kids, to make it special and remember Case by. I framed the picture of Case with his stocking last year, I am so thankful I got that picture. I don't have Lane by his when he was a baby or at any age for that matter. Throughout the past year I have seen so many things that God had just orchestrated so that we would have wonderful memories of Case. I never even gave a second thought about the picture of Case with his stocking until after he died, God had me take that picture because he knew what I didn't know.

I am battling a little with the "baby blues" the last couple days. I think some of it has to do with the annoying little problems like the heater and no childcare provided for Reese's work Christmas party tonight (they usually have childcare) that has set me off a little. Having our first Christmas without Case is emotional for me obviously. Last year we decorated the house with him. I remember Reese and Lane decorating the tree while I was giving Case rice cereal for the first time. Another thing that I am facing is going up to WA for Christmas and coming back at the same time we did last year, then less than 2 weeks later Case died. This time will be bringing back a lot of memories and that is looming over me a bit right now.

Our sweet Estelle Hope loves laying under the tree and looking at the lights.

10 Days Old

Estelle is 10 days old as of last night! She is doing really well. Most nights she sleeps really well and goes about 4 hours in between feedings during the night. There have been a couple hard nights, but for the most part, it's been good. We've had Mop (Grandma Laura) here since Saturday, she was able to get into Seattle from Hawaii and get straight onto a flight to San Diego.

Reese and Estelle taking a little nap. Reese loves this little girl!
This is a typical awake face. Her pursed lips crack me up every time.
Lane kisses and snuggles her every chance he gets. This morning I came downstairs with her and he said, "Let me see that cute baby."

Tomorrow we will be having a quiet Thanksgiving at our house and then on Friday we will trim the tree (as Reese would say). This is our families favorite time of year. I am so thankful to be able to have Estelle during this time of year. It's is so strange to me that last year at this time we had Case to celebrate Thanksgiving and Christmas with and this year he is celebrating in heaven and we have Estelle. Life can change so quickly. The bible tells us to give thanks in everything even in the hard times. I am learning to do that this Thanksgiving.

Well Worth The Wait

Our little girl, Estelle Hope, was born November 13th at 8:19 pm. She weighed 8 lbs 14 oz and was 21 1/2 inches long. I was able to be induced on Saturday afternoon. My midwife was reluctant to do it because she didn't think she was real big and wanted me to go into labor naturally because of my previous c-section. Well, it needed to be done, obviously. My labor went fast, about 5 hours from the time they started pitocin to the time she was born. I barely got my epidural in time. She was born less than an 1 1/2 hrs later. Everything went quite well, other than not really getting the full effect of the epidural.

This is the first baby that I was able to just hold on my chest and enjoy. Lane was born by c-section and Case's blood oxygen levels were low so they took him from me pretty quickly. Tears of joy were soon streaming down my face as I got to just enjoy staring at our darling baby girl.
My friend Kristen drove down from LA that night. She got to see Estelle just a couple hours after she was born. Kristen, like so many others, has been such a blessing to our family. She has prayed so diligently for us and often sends me encouraging emails with verses she has found etc. I know she just couldn't help driving down when she knew I was in labor. :) Kristen took this picture of us while Estelle was just hours old..
The next day Aunt Lesha flew in. We introduced Estelle to Lane and Lesha that morning. Lane was very happy to have his baby sister here. He said the he "liked the baby" and proceeded to give her lots of kisses and touch her face as much as possible.
Our sweet little "big" girl Estelle. Check out those rolls on her arms!
Aunt Lesha brought this adorable little outfit that Estelle wore today. She was wide awake alot today.

My emotions/hormones/anxiety levels have been so much better than I expected. It's still early, but I am taking one day at a time and so far, so good. I thank God for the peace that I feel. I am able to sleep, when Estelle lets me, without worrying too much. I know this has to do with a whole lot of prayers being said!

39 + 2

Wow, I am 39 weeks +2 days! I have never been this pregnant before. I prayed that I wouldn't have her before 37 weeks because Case was born right at 37 weeks. But really? I had Reese take this picture of me this morning (actually he took 4 before I liked one enough to post!). My mirror does not make me look this big! This picture makes my stomach look enormous! That must be why people keep staring at me! I have to say I am not that uncomfortable, I am uncomfortable but it could be worse. I still can sleep pretty well at night and that in itself is a blessing. But as time goes by my help is dwindling. Reese's parents leave on vacation soon and Lesha is coming this weekend. I am going to try to be induced before Lesha comes. Pray that they will let me be induced! I don't so much need the physical help, but more the emotional support after I have her. So pray, pray, pray people!

Reese and Lane in Oct. 2007

Today, being Veteran's Day, I am thankful for my man who serves. Not only does he serve, but he is awesome at what he does! It takes a special man to do what he does, one with integrity, patience, and strength of body and mind. He represents all of these things.

Reese and I in May 2009

(and Case is in my belly :)

Halloween

Lane brought a picture home from school the other day. He said his teacher had them draw what they wanted to be for Halloween and he drew Darth Vader. Before he ONLY wanted to be a storm trooper, the costume was $40, yeah right. So we asked him if he wanted to be Indiana Jones again, sure. So when I saw the picture he drew, I thought hey that one was cheaper. The next day I went to the Navy Exchange where all the Halloween stuff was 40% off and got his Darth Vader costume for $5.99, score!

Lane and Reese carved a cool, scary pumpkin. I didn't feel much like doing it this year, but I did roast and eat the pumpkin seeds. We just hung out here and took Lane trick or treating around the neighborhood. We saw a lot of his friends and he got plenty of candy!

I am excited to have a baby in November! We have ALOT of October babies in our family, so this will change it up a bit. This will be my first baby that actually has made it to the month that they were due!

I had to include Lane's school picture. I have cracked up every year when his school pictures come home. First preschool, then last years, and now this year, complete with one missing tooth and one tooth hanging by a thread. He has that same forced smile in all of them. So cute!

Lane is 6!

My how time flies! I cannot believe that Lane is 6. I just love his little morning face and messy hair! He is big into Nutella. He wants it on toast every morning. So for his birthday breakfast he had "chocolate toast" with birthday candles in it.
We did not plan a party for Lane. We didn't want to make any for sure plans. So that day while Lane was in school we made a Lego brick cake and went and got some balloons. We also invited a couple of his friends over to play and have cake after school. It was nice and didn't take any planning which was exactly what I needed!

This guitar is Lane's favorite toy right now. His cousin Kai had one when he went to visit him and he thought it was the coolest thing. It plays 3 songs and he has to strum the guitar to make it play the guitar music. We have been rockin' out to Sweet Home Alabama for the last 3 days!
And of course, he loves his Legos. Thanks Hunter and Kristian, this helped mom and dad get off the hook for not getting him any Legos for his birthday :)
Lane was happy that his little sister wasn't born on his birthday. Not much progress to report in that area. I went to the doctor on Tuesday and not much has changed. How long can you be dilated to a 4? I guess I will find out :) Now she is full term so she can come anytime. I really wanted to make it to 37 weeks and now we have! Maybe she will be my stubborn one and go to 40 weeks. I wouldn't be surprised. Thanks for everyone's prayers. I am pretty much out of my funk, I am going to try to get some stuff done with the time I have before she is born.

You know the saying "if you don't have anything nice to say, then don't say it at all." Well, I've been kinda quiet. Most of my close friends and family would say I don't normally live by that rule. I actually say a few too many things that are not nice and are probably better left unsaid. I am sarcastic, and sometimes I don't have a filter and things just fly out of my mouth. This past week I've just been in a funk. I still am. On Monday I had a doctor appointment, I was not quite 36 weeks at the time and already dilated to a 4. The midwife said she wouldn't be surprised if I had her within the week. I had both boys early, Lane at 38 weeks and Case at 37 weeks. As much as I want this little girl to be out of my oh so tired pregnant body, I do not want her to be considered "premature." If I can make it to this Tuesday, she will be full term. We were supposed to go on an all expense paid trip to Disneyland on Thursday-Saturday with Reese's work as a post deployment retreat. I was planning on going even if I just sat in the hotel room, that wouldn't have even been bad since it was at the Disneyland Resort Hotel for goodness sake! The kids had a Mickey Mouse farewell party yesterday with a bunch characters, John Voight was at the dinner on Thursday night. Grrrrrrr, we did not go. It was in this baby's best interest that we did not go. I know myself well enough to know that I wouldn't have just stayed in the hotel room the whole time and would probably have done "too much." I may have put myself into labor and it just would have been too early. Why am I so annoyed by this? I get a baby girl out of this deal! I think I am annoyed because this was not my plan. My plan was to have a 15 month old Case right now. We would have gotten through the deployment as planned and had fun at Disneyland with the family I had planned, Reese, me, our two boys. Don't get me wrong (I am misunderstood often). I am SOOOOO excited to have this baby. This little girl will bring so much joy to our family, I can't wait. God has different plans doesn't He. His plan is the best, whether I like it or not, whether I can see that or not. He promises to give me Peace along the paths HE has laid out for me, I just need to be willing to receive it. I think this baby hasn't come this week because God has a little more work to do in me first, in our family.

I am nervous to bring this baby home. As much as I would like bringing her home to make things "all better," it will not be all better. It actually may be a little worse for awhile. This is not just the normal welcoming another child into our family routine, it involves so much more than that. I can't even describe the emotions I am feeling and I am sure I can't even imagine what is ahead for me. I would love this to be a normal event, but it is not. Please pray, for an uncomplicated labor and birth, a healthy baby, and that we do this adjustment thing in the best way possible.

I have a little boy who is about to turn 6. They could share the same birthday, he is not too excited about that possibility. We are not doing a party for him here but Reese's family did a party for him last weekend while they were up in WA. Poor kid isn't even getting a new Halloween costume, Indiana Jones again this year. He doesn't seem to care though. He is so easy going, something I am so thankful for. We went to the community fall festival on Friday night, he won some billy bob teeth and went on some rides. We thought he was going to throw up on the ride below. Thankfully he did not, he gets car sick easily, I would not have been surprised! Not as good as Disneyland but he didn't seem to care, he still had fun.

35 1/2 weeks and SURPRISE!!

This is me, 35 1/2 weeks. It's been awhile since I've taken a picture and I am asking this little girl "How LOW can you go?" We have a busy next week. I have a doctor appt on Monday, we'll see how close we are then I guess. This time has flown by, I am excited, nervous, but excited. The anxiety has not been bad, not sure why, I think God has given me peace. I don't know how I will be once she is born, but I just pray for more peace as I take one day at a time.
Today I was surprised by a WONDERFUL group of women who I am so blessed to call my friends. They had a baby shower for me and actually pulled off a surprise one! I don't think I've ever been truly surprised like I was today. I have been blessed by some awesome girlfriends. Everywhere I move, God has provided the best of friends. I wish everyone could have been there, but since my friends live all over the country, that wasn't possible. Many took part in it from far away by sending messages that Kelly put in a scrapbook/journal for me and I was blessed by their "presence" in that way. Most of the girls that were there didn't even know each other. Some are neighbors, some are friends through Reese's job, some are internet friends :) And many of them were in cahoots with my sisters to plan this whole thing. How awesome it was to have all these friends from different areas of my life come together.

It has been such a blessing to be pregnant at the EXACT same time as Leah. Same due date, both girls. Can't wait to see these little girls grow together!

And do they know me or what? They had the shower at a tea room! It was very yummy and such a pretty little place!
Thanks girls for a wonderful day.

Our Baby Girl's Room

Well, we finally did it, her room is done. I love it. I've thought about it and planned and brainstormed for about 14 weeks now, since we found out that she is a girl. Finally it all came together and I couldn't be happier with it.
These are just embroidery hoops painted brown with fabric in them. I made a canvas for her, I love the way it turned out, other than the crooked words, lets just say it adds to the whimsical part of the room :) For the flowers I just made them out of fabric and glued them on. I ran across this verse a few times and knew I had to use it over her crib. It means a lot to me and hopefully it will to her too. For me I will look at that every time I lay her down and say to myself "The Lord your God is with you, He is mighty to save." I hope that by reminding myself of that I will continually put my trust in God, the one who ultimately has control over her little life. I know God takes great delight in her and I think that is something every little girl should know, her God delights in her, He rejoices over her with singing. And what mommy doesn't want their baby quieted when it's time to sleep :) He will quiet her with His love.

Some of the vintage pictures I've had hanging in Lane, Case, and now baby girls room. I am going to start looking on Ebay for some vintage hangers to hang a favorite dress or something from the hooks. For now the bottom hook holds her bathrobe and will probably hold her towels for bath time.
That little lamp above the changing table is a fave in this room. I found it at Grandiflora in Lynden while I was there for the summer. It is old, vintagey and sweet. I knew I had to have it when I saw it. The shelf has our wedding pictures in it :) they will be changed when I get to take some pictures of this little pumpkin.
Oh this wall of pictures! I got all the white frames on sale and I will be putting all black and whites in them. For now I just have the one of Case and one of my pregnancy shots in them. I plan to put one of just her, a family picture, and one of Lane and her in the other 3. I used the knobs that I had Case's name letters hanging from.

I wanted this room to be honoring of Case because it was his room, as well as being her room. His sweet smile in that picture just brightens my day. I included some handkerchiefs that have been given to me. The yellow one in the picture is from my dear friend Kristen. It has Lilies of the Valley on it, she told me that they represent new beginnings (this baby), sweetness (Case was the epitome of sweetness), the return to happiness (letting go of bitterness and sadness and allowing myself to remember Case and be able to enjoy life at the same time), and the virgin Mary's tears (we have both cried tears over the death of our sons). Natalie Grant makes reference to Lilies of the Valley in her song Held. There is another white handkerchief hanging from the other side of the shelf. It was given to me at the funeral by one of my mom's cousins, it was my great grandma Lily's.

We are just about ready for her arrival. I think I will be packing the hospital bag next week. Better to be prepared, when my water broke with Case I hadn't packed yet. Whoops. This pregnancy has flown by, I am over 34 weeks. I haven't taken a picture of myself recently. I guess the bigger I get the less motivated I am to take a picture of myself :)

A Sneak Peek

When Reese got home, I got him started on on a few projects, building these chairs and painting the baby's room. Thankfully, I think he enjoyed doing them and it took up some time since right now he's not doing too much at work. So I had found the plans for these adirondack chairs and Reese got to building. He did a great job and I love how they turned out. We got rid of our old patio furniture this year. It was just too big for our patio and getting rusty which is what all metal objects we own have done since we've moved here. My goal is to make our patio like another room. It is so nice here most the year that we really should spend more time out there. I am not done with this space, but we did get an outdoor rug to "define" the space and I got some mums. I am planning on painting the little table at some point, but for now it's a nice place to sit and read, which Reese has been doing a lot of out there. Now onto the baby's room.
This is just a sneak peek, why, because it isn't done :) I've been doing a lot of sewing. I made this ruffle pillow. I LOVE how it turned out and I just might have a ruffly pillow in every room if I don't stop myself.
I bought some curtain panels from Ikea and had to froo-froo them up and what better way than ric rac and ruffles!

This might be one of my favorite projects, the bunting! Those are all the fabrics I am using in the room. When she has a name, I will sew it onto it. Her name will have to be 7 letters or less I guess. I know I am driving some of you crazy (insert evil laugh). We also have a new paint color on the walls that were once white....pink. I am not an all pink kinda girl. I actually try to find baby clothes that aren't pink, but I am really liking the brown, green, and pink theme. It's turning out to be a little vintage and a little whimsical.

The baby's room has been fun to put together and so sad at the same time. It's meant saying goodbye in yet another way and allowing myself to accept what "will be" a little more. It's been a slow process, one that is not done yet, and it's taken a lot of thought and for me, it has brought on a lot of healing. I am looking forward to it being all done and sharing more pictures soon.

Our Little California Dude

The whole time Reese was gone, we promised Lane a wetsuit. Daddy got it over the weekend and in my opinion, Lane is the cutest little boogie boarder on the beach. So the last few days we have been riding our bikes down to the beach. The boys have their boogie boards in hand, I my camera and a book. Although I haven't gotten in too much reading, I am too busy watching Lane.

Reese is such a good teacher, Lane learns so much from him!
The waves were great for boogie boarding on Sunday. Lane had a blast and he even wiped out really good once.
Before the wetsuit, Lane liked to boogie board (he calls it buggy boarding), but it was a little cold just in his swimming shorts. With the wetsuit on he is in the water the whole time. This little guy was afraid of the water less than 2 years ago. Now he's in the ocean!

Sorry no pictures of this little girls room. No progress has been made yet, hopefully this week?