We Get By With A Little Help From Friends

For my birthday last year my friend Katie gave me a little plate that now sits in my kitchen that says "We get by with a little help from friends." So true, although in my case a lot of help from friends! This past year, I have relied so much on my friends. The people who get me, who understand me, who I can show my ugly side to. :)

With Reese being in the Navy I meet a lot of new people. A lot of people come and go. I have been blessed with a lot of great friends. I have friends from all over the country and different parts of the world. I have never minded meeting new people, but now it's a little different. I meet someone new, and I walk away and think to myself "they don't get me, they don't know." Sometimes I find myself telling someone I just met about Case, sometimes I just don't have the energy. Yesterday at Lane's t-ball game, another mom commented on how we have a big space in between our kids just like they do. But I promptly explained to her that we had another child in between that passed away from SIDS.... awkward silence. Some people respond well, others stare at my blankly as if they've been slapped in the face... welcome to my world. Sometimes I wonder, how can I make friends with people who never knew Case, never knew me before I had a child die, how will these new people in my life "get" me? They didn't walk with me through my grief, they didn't see my family go from 4 to 3 and then 4 again. There are some new people in my life, not close friends, but friends. It seems like they don't get the energy it takes me everyday, just to function. One acts as if I am unsociable, I don't blame her, but she just doesn't get it. She didn't see it, maybe to her it's not a big deal because she didn't watch us go through it, didn't see the pain. It's a very isolating feeling that I have, one that almost makes me not put myself out there, that way maybe I won't feel so misunderstood.

All of this makes me so thankful for the friends I have. The friends that have walked with me through the past year. I have lots of friends and family, everyone has supported us in one way or another. But you know there are just those certain few that God places in your life that are there, ones you lean on in certain times in your life. So I wanted to take a moment to do a shout out to these girls. These girls are my sisters, either by blood or in spirit.

Michele and Lesha have known me all my life, I can tell them anything on my mind and they won't judge me. They know me inside and out. We have grieved the death of our mother together, we have celebrated the births of nine babies between us and now they have grieved with me for my baby. Lesha got on a plane the day Case died and again the day after Estelle was born. Michele has encouraged me so much over the phone. They have been a source of encouragement and laughter, and sometimes just someone to vent to. I don't know what I would do without them.

Anya, Lindsey, Kyrsten and Joelle, they have been my friends since middle school. Each one of us has had our heartaches and loss in the 17 + years we've been friends. They've been there with me, they love me for who I am. They know that sometimes I have diarrhea of the mouth and they still want to hang out me. :) They did so much for us when we went up to WA for the funeral. From making phone calls to the church to putting groceries in our condo, they were awesome.

My military friends, Elaina who I've known for almost a decade. Katie and Kelly my neighbors who have made this neighborhood so much less of a ghetto for me :) Leah and Lauren, we met through our husbands, I so appreciated meeting such mature, grounded women in our husbands line of work.

Elaina helped get me through the day Case died, her and Katie helped Lane that day, picked him up from school and brought him to the hospital when it was the right time. I asked Elaina to do so much that day, I am forever grateful to her for that. Katie was there when we got home. Sat with us until Reese's mom and Lesha got here. Katie, Kelly, and Leah checked in on me for months following, just checking to see how I was. Kelly has been so helpful to me in recent months too. Watching my kids at the drop of a hat, and overall just being sensitive to our circumstances.

Kristen is a friend that never got to meet Case. She gives me hope that someone who didn't know me before, can get me. She emails and asks how I am doing, and really wants to hear the honest answer. She has been a prayer warrior, someone who has truly tried to put herself in my shoes, even though it's sad and uncomfortable. She has sent me books and bible verses and so much encouragement through her words.

Being a friend to me hasn't been easy since January 12, 2010, I am sure. These women have given to me and most the time I haven't been able to give back. That shows friendship, giving and not expecting anything in return. They have been real to me and I have been real to them. No foo foo words or surface talk, nope that's not what it's about, that's not what gets us through. I am so thankful to them.

Thanks girls. I am so blessed to call you my friends.

Really taking the time to think about friendships and having been in a position to really NEED my friends makes me realize again how important it is to nurture friendships. It is so important to be real. Surface friendships don't cut it when life cuts you to the core.