This Christmas...

Christmas has always been a happy time in our house. Our family really likes to decorate and watch Christmas movies, etc. This year I have tried to read more Christmas books to the kids and for the first time I have a nativity set. I got the Little People one, because Estelle really likes Little People. I have been baking a ton, and even having a couple people over for a little Christmas dinner. I do love this season and everything that comes with it, even if it is a little stressful. I am also trying to teach Lane a more and more about what Christmas means. This age is so fun, he just soaks everything up!

A couple nights ago we went to Hotel Del Coronado to go ice skating. Reese and Lane ice skated, Estelle and I watched. It is so beautiful there. They have the hotel all lit up and gorgeous trees decorated perfectly.

Estelle is now 13 months old. She had her 12 month check up last month. She is 23 lbs and almost 30 inches. She is so so funny. She isn't much into walking, she is content to walk along the floor on her knees. I haven't seen a kid do that before, but that is how she gets around a lot of the time. My tree is a mess, Estelle re-decorates it on a daily basis. We also have a train track around the tree that gets torn apart and put back together 100 times a day. The joys of having a 1 year old. It doesn't stop me from having it all out though, she will learn :)

This is also the season that we had Case. From July 31st on I think of what we were doing with him at that time of year. How he was about 4 weeks old when we brought Lane to his first day of Kindergarten. Case was with us when we took a trip to the pumpkin patch. He was a chili pepper for Halloween. We took him up to WA at Thanksgiving and everyone got to meet him. Then there was Christmas time in Washington, his first and only Christmas. And then we took him back to our home and 12 days later he was gone. The last few days I have been overwhelmed with memories of him. A lot of them happy sweet memories of him, but I also have been remembering the painful memories too. The day of his death is so vivid in my mind. I think this time of year will always trigger these memories more than the rest of the year does. I have learned to allow myself to really take them in and work through the pictures in my mind. I read in a book that when a traumatic experience happens, it's like a bomb goes off in your brain, scattering bits and pieces of the experience all through out it. Sometimes those bits and pieces pop up unexpectedly, sometimes you can predict them coming. The important thing for me to do it work through them as they come, in the best way I know how.

This year I look at my two healthy children that we are raising here on this earth and I think of the sweet baby boy that I am loving from here to heaven and I am thankful. I am thankful that God sent his Son, so that we can have HOPE!