12 years ago

I wanted post real quickly about my feelings today.  Twelve years ago my mom went to be with Jesus at the age of 45.  I only had her on this earth for 181/2 years of my life but she taught me so much and continues to teach me.  I want to be that kind of mom, the one that her children look back on and can still learn from her actions.  I never imagined that 12 years later I would be in the midst of learning that I have the same heart disease my mom had.  I never imagined that 12 years later I would be thinking so much about how my mom dealt with her diagnosis,  how the doctors treated her.  There have been so many questions I have wanted to ask her through out these last months.  So many questions have arisen.  My mom's heart condition was unknown, they thought a virus had most likely attacked her heart..  They didn't know it was genetic.  She didn't know it could kill her suddenly.  I have the benefit of knowing.  Unfortunately I had to lose my mom in order to know.  Tonight I am praying that I can take what I know and do the very best I can do to take care of myself, to educate myself and my family.  I can live a long, healthy life with this disease and I pray that that is God's plan for my life.  I remember after mom died that I had an overwhelming feeling deep in my soul that she had died for a reason.  I knew that I might never know why, but God knew.  Could it have possibly been to help us realize the depth of our situation, the seriousness?  To save other's lives.  I always search for a reason for things and when I can't find one I know I just have to trust.  I feel like I have finally come to the point where I can have peace knowing that I can just trust God.  I don't have to analyze, doubt, search, just trust.  I pray that you can find that peace in whatever situation you might be facing.