You know the saying "if you don't have anything nice to say, then don't say it at all." Well, I've been kinda quiet. Most of my close friends and family would say I don't normally live by that rule. I actually say a few too many things that are not nice and are probably better left unsaid. I am sarcastic, and sometimes I don't have a filter and things just fly out of my mouth. This past week I've just been in a funk. I still am. On Monday I had a doctor appointment, I was not quite 36 weeks at the time and already dilated to a 4. The midwife said she wouldn't be surprised if I had her within the week. I had both boys early, Lane at 38 weeks and Case at 37 weeks. As much as I want this little girl to be out of my oh so tired pregnant body, I do not want her to be considered "premature." If I can make it to this Tuesday, she will be full term. We were supposed to go on an all expense paid trip to Disneyland on Thursday-Saturday with Reese's work as a post deployment retreat. I was planning on going even if I just sat in the hotel room, that wouldn't have even been bad since it was at the Disneyland Resort Hotel for goodness sake! The kids had a Mickey Mouse farewell party yesterday with a bunch characters, John Voight was at the dinner on Thursday night. Grrrrrrr, we did not go. It was in this baby's best interest that we did not go. I know myself well enough to know that I wouldn't have just stayed in the hotel room the whole time and would probably have done "too much." I may have put myself into labor and it just would have been too early. Why am I so annoyed by this? I get a baby girl out of this deal! I think I am annoyed because this was not my plan. My plan was to have a 15 month old Case right now. We would have gotten through the deployment as planned and had fun at Disneyland with the family I had planned, Reese, me, our two boys. Don't get me wrong (I am misunderstood often). I am SOOOOO excited to have this baby. This little girl will bring so much joy to our family, I can't wait. God has different plans doesn't He. His plan is the best, whether I like it or not, whether I can see that or not. He promises to give me Peace along the paths HE has laid out for me, I just need to be willing to receive it. I think this baby hasn't come this week because God has a little more work to do in me first, in our family.

I am nervous to bring this baby home. As much as I would like bringing her home to make things "all better," it will not be all better. It actually may be a little worse for awhile. This is not just the normal welcoming another child into our family routine, it involves so much more than that. I can't even describe the emotions I am feeling and I am sure I can't even imagine what is ahead for me. I would love this to be a normal event, but it is not. Please pray, for an uncomplicated labor and birth, a healthy baby, and that we do this adjustment thing in the best way possible.

I have a little boy who is about to turn 6. They could share the same birthday, he is not too excited about that possibility. We are not doing a party for him here but Reese's family did a party for him last weekend while they were up in WA. Poor kid isn't even getting a new Halloween costume, Indiana Jones again this year. He doesn't seem to care though. He is so easy going, something I am so thankful for. We went to the community fall festival on Friday night, he won some billy bob teeth and went on some rides. We thought he was going to throw up on the ride below. Thankfully he did not, he gets car sick easily, I would not have been surprised! Not as good as Disneyland but he didn't seem to care, he still had fun.