Case died when he was 5 months and 12 days old. Today marked the day when Estelle got to be older than her older brother did. It is a bittersweet day. Mentally, it gives me a little more peace. But, it's also such a reminder to me of how we fell in love with Case in those short 5 months and 12 days. I can't imagine life without Estelle, just like I couldn't imagine life without Case. Now I am trying to navigate life without Case, trying to figure it all out without my baby boy.
Lane still talks about Case a lot. He shares more of his feelings now than he did before. I am so thankful for his vivid memory of him. He even remembers things Reese and I don't, I guess different things stand out to a five year old. He regularly tells me how much he misses Case and that he wishes we had both babies. He adores Estelle. The other day he told me that he just loves her so much and that he's never going to let her go. It melted my heart...
Case at 5 months
Estelle at 5 months. We are reminded of Case everyday, just by looking at Estelle. Sometimes they look so much alike!
Today I put Estelle's hand on Case's handprint the hospital did for us. For me it was a connection for them, she will grow up "knowing" her big brother.
This girl...I have spent the last couple days just thanking God for her. I am not sure where we would be without her. The joy and hope she has brought us, it's a gift. She has kept me on my toes, has a mind of her own and doesn't like to sleep a whole lot. I have been a little over protective, Lane is probably really sick of telling me "yeah, she's okay." I constantly ask him when she is out of my sight, usually in the car. I hope someday she will truly understand how much love we have for her, what a gift she is. 
5 comments:
Estelle looks so much like Case. What a little star of hope. You must miss Case so, so much. I am so sad he is not here. But I am very thankful to God that you enjoy Lane and Estelle so much. Praying for you.
They have very similar looks - both very much like Reese I think too. You are so grateful, even when you are hurting, Natasha. It is inspiring. Hugs, Leah.
WOW! They look so much alike in those pictures Natasha. How sweet. Thinking of you :)
How precious to hear the memories from Lane. Estelle's big curious eyes look so much like Case. She is such a cutie. Praying for you each day.
All your children are beautiful. I saw the picture posted from your photoshoot. Your honesty and your courage keep me grounded. I am so very thankful for you and your family and I'm praying for you always. Thank you for sharing these moments with us.
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