I had an MRI of my heart last week, and on Tuesday we met with the cardiologist to go over what he found. I have a very mild case of dilated cardiomyopathy. The left ventricle of my heart is mildly dilated (the heart muscle is stretched thinner than it should be) and the output is a little low, when it should be between 55-65%, mine is at 49%. This is very mild and they can't see any obvious things that are causing it. I also have quite a few irregular heart beats. And he has put me on a low dose of beta blockers for that. While everything is very mild and this doesn't change my life too much right now, this is what my mom had. She in addition to the cardiomyopathy also had a rhythm issue that would cause her heart to beat really fast for a really long time and sometimes cause her to pass out, I do not have this right now. Also, her heart issues were not properly addressed either, which I think ultimately led to her death. Mine have been caught early and are being and will be properly addressed and treated. I know that this is good news, that mine is really mild and I have never passed out or had a racing heart. What I am dealing with right now is my fear that it could get worse, the fear of the unknown and what "might" happen is getting to me. I really need prayer for this. I just want to embrace life and be thankful that I am healthy right now, but I am so fearful sometimes. The beta blockers are supposed to make me more tired than usual, yet I still can't sleep at night. I also have anger, anger that my life just can't be normal for a little while. I know these are all normal reactions, but I really need prayer about this. I know that God has a plan for me and that doesn't always mean that things will be easy on this earth. I need to trust that and carry on. I have come across some verses that have been very relevant for me.
My friend Kristen sent me this one,
"Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." Psalm 73: 25-26
And I found these about fear in Jesus Calling yesterday,
"In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one." Ephesian 6:16
"Surely God is my salvation; I will trust and not be afraid. The Lord, the Lord, is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation." Isaiah 12:2
Your prayers are very appreciated right now. I will be back soon and hopefully be in better spirits :)
9 comments:
I will be praying for you Natasha. I am so sorry that you are going through this right now. I was going to suggest the book Jesus Calling, but I see that you already have it :) It has served as an encouragement to me through some difficult times too. Thinking of you.
This makes me sad I'm sorry you are going through all of this. I pray for you and your family everyday. I hope you know how much I care about you and even though I'm far away I'm always here for you. Miss ya.
I am praying Natasha! This just makes me sad and angry too. I am so sorry, hold those kiddos tight and take comfort from their love. Thinking of you.
Praying! I am praying what is going on with you is not progressive. I am sending lots of love.
Praying here for you too! You have every right to be angry and afraid...I've been there and still go there with Maddie at times. I too am sorry you have this trial, you have been through so much.
One verse that I cling to in those times of uncertainty and worry is Isaiah 41:10 "So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."
Praying for your strength and your heart...both physically and spiritually. Hold tight to His promises!!!
Always praying for you, Natasha!
Katie has said it so well. Just wanted you to know I am praying as well.
Psalm 55:22
Romans 15:13
Psalm 119:114
Not sure what more could be said...I do know that Jesus is the one who Keeps you....All of these scriptures you've listed will be where you find peace.
So much of what you listed I have recently experienced....the anxiety, fear, anger, and just wanting to life's troubles to leave me alone for awhile....Praying for you in all of this and that you will be able to have peaceful sleep.
I remind myself of this scripture a whole lot,
2 Timothy 1:7...
For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.
Carolyn
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