Case's 2nd Birthday

We made cupcakes for Case's birthday again this year. It was wonderful to have Reese with us to do it this year too. We sang happy birthday and blew out his candles for him. Lane loves this part. I will do this every year, to recognize Case as a part of our family, our son and the kid's brother. I look forward to the coming years when we can talk to Estelle and any other children we might have about Case while we have his birthday cupcakes.

Silly boy Lane blowing out the candle.

We got back from being in Ketchikan AK last night. We have been there twice before with my sister Michele and her family and when we found out we had the opportunity to go again, Reese jumped on the chance to go. For Reese and Lane this is the perfect trip, a cabin on a lake, fishing, hiking, all those outdoorsy things. For me it's a chance to relax and enjoy the beauty of Alaska, and hang out with Michele. The only problem was, it is no place for a crawling baby. So I told Reese I didn't think we could go. Then my great friend Kristen, insisted that she watch Estelle for 5 days while we go. I didn't think I could do it. I did it, and Estelle did awesome! I will share more about the trip soon.

So on the morning of Case's 2nd birthday, I left Estelle for the first time overnight, for five nights! We got up to the cabin in the evening. Ever since I watched the movie Tangled, I wanted to do the Chinese Wish Lanterns for Case's birthday. Alaska was the perfect place to do it, over the lake and no fire danger (like in S. California). We let two of them go, they were so beautiful!

There are so many things I have in my head that I want to say about Case. How much I miss him, how much we have missed in the last 18 months. Crawling, walking, talking, being a little stinker, I grieve that I can't see Case doing those things. All the things that I am watching Estelle doing now, I realize again that I didn't get to see Case doing that.

Sometimes I think that my grieving is a selfish thing, all the things that I've missed. Then I feel bad for Case, like I've made it all about me. It's a very strange thing. But Case is in heaven and he doesn't need all the things that this world gives us anymore, he is in perfect peace.

Alaska gave me a little taste of that peace. God uses nature to speak to us, we just need to choose to see it and listen. Where we stayed is very untouched, nothing but a few cabins and a whole lot of quiet, peaceful nature. Nature screams at you there. The last couple times when we went, it was while we were living in Washington, in the country. This time, coming from the city, it spoke to me more, or maybe I've just become more willing to listen. I haven't had a lot of peace lately, I haven't been inspired to write or read my bible or pray. I have been empty, felt alone. Being in Alaska gave me inspiration. I was able to step back and think, Estelle didn't need me so I was free to do that with little interruption. While we were there, I was reading a book when this verse spoke to me.

“But ask the animals, and they will teach you,
or the birds in the sky, and they will tell you;
or speak to the earth, and it will teach you,
or let the fish in the sea inform you.
Which of all these does not know
that the hand of the LORD has done this?
In his hand is the life of every creature
and the breath of all mankind."

Job 12: 7-10

The Lord has it all in his hand, it is hard for me to look at the beauty of nature and think any differently. We were certainly blessed by this trip, and by Kristen for watching Estelle.

Happy Birthday sweet Case. I can't wait to hold you again someday.