Paying Attention to What God is Saying

I feel vulnerable. Ever since Case died I have felt more anxiety than I've ever felt in my life, like at any moment something else can happen. So I brace for it. In the over year and a half since his death I have gotten so much better. I can feel myself relaxing, but then something will happen. A natural disaster, a threat to our country, a threat to my community and my family because of my husbands job. A lot of people live their lives thinking it won't happen to them. But I guess I can't tell myself that, it can happen to anyone, that is the scary reality. In my life I have been called a worry wart but my response to that would be, "no, I am a realist." I know what it feels like to have something ripped from you, my mom and then my son, amongst other smaller losses. Sometimes I wonder if God is really there. But then He usually speaks to me through something. Today He spoke to me through my devotional, which I almost just skipped reading all together. But I decided to pay attention to what God was saying, and I am glad I did.

Since we are His children, we will share His treasures-for everything God gives to His Son, Christ, is ours too. But if we are to share His glory, we must also share His suffering. Yet what we suffer now is nothing compared to the glory He will give us later. Romans 8: 17-18

Here is the part of the devotion that stood out to me:

"Does it sometimes seem as if you've lost everything dear to you, and do you wonder what else is going to be taken from you? Someday each one of us will leave this earth and let go of everyone we have loved and everything we have enjoyed. We'll be left with only our eternal inheritance. But Paul has done the math, and by his careful calculations he assures us that what we suffer here is nothing compared to the glory of our eternal inheritance. NOTHING. It seems a stretch to us from where we sit. But if you don't trust his calculations, if you do not highly value your eternal inheritance, you will overvalue what God has given you on earth and your grip on it will become a tyranny to you. But as you value the privilege of being an heir with Jesus, you will begin to live like the glory he will share with you one day is worth everything it may cost you. You will see your suffering as a severe mercy that keeps you from falling more deeply in love with the comforts, securities, and pleasures of this world so you can anticipate more fully a rich and rewarding inheritance in the next."

I honestly don't know if I can take anymore heartache, but I am reminded today that if I grip too tightly, it will control me. I will do anything to protect my family, my children. But I need to do what I can and leave the rest to God. And trust that in the end we will enjoy a indescribable inheritance together.

Lane, Mommy, and Estelle 4/2011 (Andrea Gallagher Photography)

Daddy, Case, and Mommy 12/2009